November 16, 2023
Dear Friend,
Ever since I first spoke with Toronto Rape Crisis Centre, I’ve known that I wanted to help them. To give back. Because they’ve helped me so much.
In the coming weeks, I’ll be sharing my story – of the abuse that happened to me and how I found my way through the early days of healing – in a series of emails.
I hope you’ll read them. And in so doing, I hope you’ll be proud of your role in helping TRCC so they can continue to help others like me to begin their individual healing journeys.
With thanks, Sally (not really my name)
We have changed some details to keep me safe.P.S If I had more money, I’d be donating to TRCC. I’m not rich. But I can share my story to hopefully inspire others to donate. We can each do what we can do.
November 21, 2023
Dear Friend
“Move on and focus on your own healing,” was the absurd advice I got when I first looked for help.
But Toronto Rape Crisis Centre was different.
It was the first place where I felt heard and supported to do what felt right for me.
And what felt right for me meant reporting what had happened to the police. That was a necessary step in my healing. I needed to feel safe. AND I didn’t want him doing the same thing to anyone else.
When I met with Karlene at TRCC, I felt supported to make the decisions that were best for me. She supported me through the court process and helped me learn to keep myself safe emotionally and physically.
It’s so INCREDIBLY difficult to face your abuser. But with support from TRCC, I have been able to weather these intense challenges. And while the process has been excruciating – and often disappointing – I am hopeful that my courage will slow him down from hurting other women.
I don’t know what I would have done without Karlene’s support and the help I received at TRCC. I hope you’ll consider supporting TRCC with a donation so they can keep helping hundreds of women in similar situations each year take the steps to healing that feel right for them. It’s not a one-size fits all approach and TRCC understands that.
And, I hope by sharing my story you’ll understand just what a lifesaver TRCC’s work is to me and to many others. Without their support, I would have felt alone, isolated and terrified. And I wouldn’t have had the courage to take steps to try to prevent him from hurting more women.
I hope my story inspires you to donate to TRCC to make sure that folks like me get the support they need to do what is right for them to begin healing.
Thank for your support of TRCC,
Sally (not really my name)
We have changed some details to keep me safe.
P.S. Coming forward to prevent abusers is soo difficult and dangerous. TRCC has years of experience. I hope you’ll support them with a donation so they can keep supporting folks like me.
November 28, 2023
Dear Friend,
The way Karlene supported me.. and spoke with me…I still feel emotional when I think about it.
She made me feel fully accepted and not judged for what I was going through.
I didn’t have to prove myself to her.
Today, on Giving Tuesday, I know you’ll be getting lots of emails from charities asking you to donate to them. While I’d love for you to donate to Toronto Rape Crisis Centre (TRCC), mostly today, I’m hoping you’ll read my story, understand how hard it is to try to stop a predator and appreciate the role that TRCC plays in supporting people on whatever healing journey they choose for themselves.
Back to Karlene: She showed me I didn’t have to judge myself. And that I didn’t have to concern myself with people who judge me for what I’ve been through.
I really learned how much that support meant after dealing with the police and the court system.
The whole process leading up to a trial has so many ups and downs and so much confusion. Karlene helped me understand all the things that I was going to face during each step.
And she didn’t sugar coat things. I was devastated when I learned the trial might be ended due to technicalities. But Karlene laid out my options in really clear terms. Not a lot of people know how to give support like that. Honestly.
And what I need is the truth.
I need to make decisions on what is truly happening, what’s real. I can’t pretend things didn’t happen. I can’t wish away anything, as much as I wish I could.
The pain of wishing it didn’t happen simply delays the inevitable need to accept the truth. The truth is painful but it’s better to know the truth. There is strength in the truth. It’s like armour against the lies that abusers and society try to tell us.
The truth is, I could not have survived this experience without Karlene and TRCC. And the truth is that TRCC does this incredibly difficult, painful, heartbreaking work of giving survivors hope on a shoestring budget. I hope by sharing my story, you’ll be inspired to support TRCC the way they have supported me and hundreds of others each year. Please donate right now so TRCC can continue to offer court support and the crisis line and group and one-on-one support and so many other programs and services.
With thanks,
Sally (not really my name)
We have changed some details to keep me safe.P.S. I hope that by sharing my story, you’ll see how critical TRCC’s work is and how important your donation is to hundreds of survivors each year. Please donate now.
Dec 5, 2023
Dear Friend,
Part of my healing process has been learning how to deal with the intense anger I feel. What happened to me was appalling. Abhorrent. Cruel. Terrifying.
Once I got out of the abusive relationship, I was overwhelmed with anger. It was really scary and intense. And I had a lot to be angry about. Yet I hadn’t allowed myself to be angry.
Here is the thing: anger is not something that little girls or women are taught they can express.
But Karlene from Toronto Rape Crisis Centre was there for me.
She was accepting of my anger. She helped me not be afraid of it because she wasn’t afraid of it. And she helped me express my anger. And to place the anger where it belongs – on my abuser – not to direct it at myself, which is what I have done in the past.
I know it’s a work in progress.
But I feel so comforted knowing TRCC is there on my healing journey with me. I started group work recently. I feel like TRCC is so intentional with how they work with all of us. And I think that’s just so amazing because I haven’t found that kind of support elsewhere.
I can’t say enough good things about TRCC.
I hope you’ll donate to TRCC so they can continue to help people, who, like me have endured the unendurable.
Thanks for reading my story.
Sally (not really my name)
We have changed some details to keep me safe.P.S. I hope that by sharing my story, you’ll see how critical TRCC’s work is and how important your donation is to hundreds of survivors each year. Please donate now.
Dec 12, 2023
Dear Friend,
The last few weeks, I’ve been sharing my story of healing from an abusive relationship. It’s a heavy topic. I know. I lived it. And I still feel like I’m living it. It will take a long time to heal from that experience.
I’m grateful that you’ve taken the time to learn more about my story. This will be my last email to you. While I know I still have a long road ahead of me, I’m so grateful to Toronto Rape Crisis Centre for being such a strong and empathetic guide on my healing journey. And I’m grateful to donors like you who support TRCC. And for taking the time to learn more about healing from my perspective.
One of the things that makes this type of abuse so harmful is that it can be very confusing.
The psychological abuse was as – or maybe more – damaging than the physical elements for me. And then add to that the police and the court system and… well, let’s just say that my mental and emotional well-being were really tested.
When I found out I was not this person’s first victim, I just knew I had to charge him and go to court. I’m finding more women who he hurt. They chose not to go to court. They didn’t have the support system to take it on. If he’s not stopped, I know he’ll do it again. I hope my efforts will prevent other women from being hurt in the future.
As I learn more and more and speak with other women who have faced similar abuse, I’m seeing just how similar the patterns and behaviours are. The lies, the manipulation, how society treats survivors. I believed – and have heard from so many other survivors – that it was somehow my fault or that I caused it.
I have wanted to help TRCC and I hope by sharing my story you’ll donate so they can keep supporting other survivors. And I hope by sharing my story, you’ll have a little more insight into why TRCC is so incredibly important to survivors like me. And I hope by sharing my story, other survivors won’t feel so alone.
Thanks for taking the time to read about my journey.
Sally (not really my name)
We have changed some details to keep me safe.